Okay, may I be totally honest?? May I share what I went through these last couple of weeks??
I hope so... because I know that many of you are going through pain and struggles that seem greater than what you can handle. There are times when you don't know what to do... or where to turn and that is exactly what I have been facing!!
I am like a soldier who has just made her way through the blazing heat of the desert days, only to find freezing temperatures in the sleepless hours the of night. I've climbed my way through lofty hills of sand - loose, deep sand, into which I've sunk, just like it was thick, gummy mud or untrod snow banks, with even greater distress from uneven and menacing surfaces.
I am not a warrior or a soldier today... no today I am a child who has climbed up into her heavenly father's arms to find the rest and peace that I so desperately need. As I cry, "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I need to see you!"
Now you ask, "What has happened in these last few weeks, that I am struggling just to keep my head above water?" It will probably sound silly to most or even a little illogical to some, but I had several medical tests to see why my heart rate suddenly drops to dangerous levels.
One of the tests was a nuclear stress test and this included lying on an "MRI like table" which is metal and concave in shape. I had to lie on this table, three times for approximately 40-50 minutes each time, while holding a rope up above my head and I was unable to move as pictures of my heart were taken.
Well, most of my readers know I have Lupus, Psoriatic, Rheumatoid and even Osteo Arthritis, degenerative disk disease and herniated disks in my cervical and lumbar spine. To say I am in pain is almost laughable, I don't even know how to describe the pain I am feeling, but it seems there is nothing to soothe or pacify me.
On top of that, I had a bad reaction to the injection of the radioactive dye, for the nuclear stress test. The medication went instantly to my head, causing a throbbing migraine headache, accompanied by nausea.
I was given prednisone (a steroid) to counteract some of the horrific pain I have been in and for the first time ever, I've had a bad reaction to it. The reaction caused a rash, excessive dripping sweat from my neck up, severe shaking with no sleep for 3 days, it's like being on speed.
So, I admit my devotional and prayer time has been difficult and I found myself leaning heavily on my "Warrior's Prayer..." because I am a warrior, I am soldier of the "Cross of Chrsit!" Yet, this wounded warrior, this soldier... has had to crawl up and nestle into her heavenly father's arms to find the sweet rest that comes only from Him.
These last few days have made this particular prayer, take on a whole new meaning for me... there is a new realization of how much I depend on God to get me through not just each and every day... but each and every moment!!
I would encourage you to read the prayer that is based on the scripture's Ephesians 6:11-18, letting us know that each of us need the whole "Armor of God" each and everyday!
Heavenly Father, Your Warrior prepares for battle.
Today I claim victory over Satan by putting on the
Whole Armor of God!
I put on the Girdle of Truth!
May I stand firm in the truth of your Word
so I will not be a victim of Satan’s lies!
I put on the Breastplate of Righteousness!
May it guard my heart from evil so I will
remain pure and Holy, protected under the
blood of Jesus Christ.
I put on the Shoes of Peace!
May I stand firm in the good news of the
gospel so your peace will shine through me
and be a light to all I encounter.
I take the Shield of Faith!
May I be ready for Satan’s fiery darts of doubt,
denial and deceit, so I will not be vulnerable to
I put on the Helmet of Salvation!
May I keep my mind focused on you so Satan will
not have a stronghold on my thoughts.
I take the Sword of the Spirit!
May the two-edged sword of Your Word be ready
in my hands so I can expose the tempting words of Satan.
By Faith Your Warrior has put on the Whole Armor of God!
I am prepared to live this day in Spiritual Victory! Amen!